It is difficult to imagine a parent disowning their child, but it happens more often then we realize. Whether you are a minor or are already grown, there are some steps you can take to cope after being disowned by your parents.
Allow yourself to feel emotions after you have been disowned by your parents. You may want to bottle your emotions up inside, by this is not a good idea from a psychological viewpoint. You have feelings of betrayal, abandonment, sadness, and anger. It is perfectly normal to feel all of these emotions and you need to take time to let these feelings out.
There is no time limit to your grieving after being disowned by your parents. Take as little or as much time as you need. It is also not unusual to have feelings of rage and want to physically harm yourself or your parents after they have disowned you. If you do have feelings of wanting to hurt someone or yourself, you need to speak with a medical professional.
Many disowned children will spend much time thinking about what they did wrong and this is a mistake. We all make mistakes, but there is no logical reason why a parent should ever disown their child. Many parents that have truly disowned their children have psychological issues and they are the ones with the problem, not you. Do not spend too much time dwelling on what you could have done or said differently. Many times, there is nothing you could have done to make your parents love you.
A change in scenery may be appropriate if your surroundings are too much of a reminder of your parents. Whether you move across town or across the country is up to you and what you are comfortable doing.
Children who have been disowned by their parents feel empty and think that they are incapable of being loved. You need to accept and love yourself. Discover what your talents and gifts are. Do you like to write or fix things? Are you good at crafts or helping others work through their problems? Once you find out what you are good at, take time to develop that talent and use it to help others.
Find a support system through a church, your school, or even at work. While being disowned is still a taboo subject, there are places online where you can connect with others who understand. Make sure you find quality friends to spend your time with. Many disowned children have self-esteem issues and tend to accept friends with anyone they come across. Do not make this mistake as some people are not worth being friends with. Remember, quality friendships mean much more than the number of friends you have.
It can be difficult to tell others why you do not go home for the holidays and you do not need to tell people that you have been disowned by your parents if you are not comfortable doing so. Of course, you do not want to lie because lies will ruin your new support system, but you are permitted to keep certain things to yourself. If someone is pressuring you into discussing your family and you are not ready, then you can tell them you would rather not talk about it or simply change the subject.
The final step to take is to turn the situation around. Disowned children have spent many years desperately trying to get their parents love and approval without success. Instead of feeling sadness about the situation, think of how positive your life is without your parents in your life. Many disowned children finally graduate school, find good jobs, and accomplish many things now that the negativity and abuse of their parents is no longer in their lives. Although it will take time for you to heal, full recovery is possible.
Being disowned by your parents is a traumatic event. Maybe they loved you at one time or perhaps they never loved you at all. All you need to remember is that you are worthwhile, lovable, and important. You have good qualities about you that can help others through this life. However you decide to heal from this tragedy, make sure that you do not allow resentment and unforgiveness to plague your new life. The last thing you want to do is to repeat the pattern and end up disowning your children someday.
Following the above steps will help you heal and cope after being disowned by your parents.